When does it ever get better ?

When does it ever get better ? I'm 41, married to a fantastic man, with two beautiful children, a house and possessions that others would die for but the pain and anguish that i feel inside just never goes away.
Instead it manifests itself into anger, not something that I purposely make happen but just happens almost like temper tantrums.
I'm determined that this has got to find a way to stop happening, I can not live like this with all this turmoil, Stress, I have no doubt causes cancer, we all have the gene within us, but its the *triggers* that cause the individual cells in the individual people to mutate into cancer ones.
I will NOT abandon my babies. They need me to at least see them into adulthood, ideally i would like to see them marry and have babies before my time is over here, but I really at least want to help them through to adulthood.
So I MUST find a way to heal this cavernous hurt deep within me so that I can be there for them.
I've started. I'm on the Path, and that means stopping anything that might make me hurt/rage and if people are going to get hurt by that be it family or non family then so be it. I need to start doing things for me WITHOUT GUILT and WITHOUT ANGER. Guilt equals Anger. I dont want to do something but I feel guilted into it and then i get angry.
Well that is going to stop now.
Ive tried really hard today, yep just one day but I have TRIED My absolute hardest. I've achieved quite a bit too
Step one ...B r e a t h e .....

Ive had a couple of people really stick by me the past couple of days, my RL friend 'L' and a online friend 'K' although I think I may have set some triggers off for her but I know I didn't do that on purpose to hurt her so therefore I do not feel guilty, sad for her but not guilty...
So thank you 'L' and Thank you and big Hugs 'K'

Well its late and I'm off to bed...will try to update more regularly